amuse me

For a while now, I have been avoiding writing about my “feelings”. I have been wanting to create something beautiful outside of myself, away from the painful events. I have been wanting to escape, however, I have given in. I am unfocused and lost without the words that describe the part of me I don’t like to reveal.

I have been dealing with shaking episodes for a couple months now. The intensity vary but they are consistent. One night I woke up and my brain was shaking, my teeth were chattering and I had no control. It wasn’t a seizure but it was scary. My husband held me in his arms but all I could think was; “my god, my god, I am going crazy”. Since then it hasn’t been as bad but I still have shakiness. I read on pacemaker club about a women with a similar situation as me, she spoke of shaking. She is unable to work also. It’s bizarre but it made me feel better, knowing someone else had those same symptoms...proof I guess, I am not inventing these symptoms after all. When I told my doctor, she replied “are you nervous?”.